As most Patriots know, at the head of today's bushytail horde, the Squirrel Enforcement Army, is the infamous Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel.
Tufty burst upon the scene in the 1960's with his Tufty Club and it's manifesto of terror (see link below). But who preceded Tufty?
To answer that question we bring you our series...
before tufty, there was...
THE STORY OF RUSTY ISN'T SO MUCH A TALE OF SKWERLIEN CONQUEST AS OF DECEIT AND BETRAYAL.
PUBLISHED IN 1939, IT CHRONICLES THE LIVES OF TWO BUSHYTAIL BROTHERS, RUSTY AND RUDOLPH. RUDOLPH IS A CORRUPT UNION BOSS AND YOUNGER BROTHER RUSTY IS HIS LEAD GOON.
RUDOLPH SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME PARTYING ALL NIGHT AND SLEEPING ALL DAY. BROTHER RUSTY BECOMES JEALOUS. HE HATES HAVING TO WORK WHILE HIS BROTHER REAPS THE SPOILS.
RUSTY HATCHES A PLOT TO UNSEAT HIS BROTHER AND TAKE OVER THE UNION. HE ABSCONDS WITH RUDOLPH'S NUTS AND MAKES FOR A HIDEOUT IN A CROSS-FOREST TREE. THERE, HE CONVINCES THE OTHER FOREST ANIMALS TO SIDE WITH HIM AGAINST RUDOLPH BY FRAMING HIS BROTHER FOR THEFT.
RUDOLPH IS INCENSED AT HIS BROTHER'S BETRAYAL, AND IN A CLIMATIC SCENE TORN FROM ON THE WATERFRONT, THE TWO CONFRONT EACH OTHER. RUSTY PREVAILS AND THE STORY ENDS WITH RUDOLPH APPARENTLY ON HIS WAY OUT OF TOWN.
SCENES FROM RUSTY
click thumbnails for large, hi-res versions
IN 1955, RUDOLPH WAS FOUND DEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF RURAL HIGHWAY. LOCAL AUTHORITIES DESCRIBED HIS DEATH AS "SUSPICIOUS." A GRAND JURY SUMMONED RUSTY TO TESTIFY, BUT HE NEVER APPEARED. HIS CURRENT WHEREABOUTS ARE UNKNOWN...
BEFORE TUFTY THERE WAS...
From each according to their means: to each according to their needs.
i killed Rusty with my 50 caliber anti cyclonic 7000 rounds per minute chain fed skwerl rifle
rusty is a bit on the fat side, but very skinny feet......suspicious
I tawt u was some sota dog or sum't
Sure I seen 'im. He's doin' hard time at Joliet but it ain't no big deal as he's got the run of the place gettin' trubute from the cons and the screws never found out how he offed Hoffa back when.
rustys in a tree somewhere in the south pacific
You've got way too much time on your hands. Thanks!
Rusty looks funny.
The whole thing was a scam by Rusty and Rudolph to steal the union's pension fund including Rudolph's "death". They're living the good life now.
just look at those devil ears!!!
FRISKY THE SQUIRREL
CHICKAREE THE FUZZY WUZZY SQUIRREL
THE HELPFUL FRIENDS
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