Patriots, the 1803-1806 Lewis and Clark expedition across North America was a landmark event. Although not the first cross-continent expedition, that honor going to a Canadian group led by Sir Alexander MacKenzie in 1793, it set the stage for the great western migrations across America during 19th century.
But what does this event have to do with our righteous struggle against squirrel world domination? The following feature reveals a shocking scandal involving Lewis and Clark and President Jefferson himself. At its conclusion we will leave it to you to decide if what transpired proves that that President Thomas Jefferson was a pathetic skwerlhugger and a minion of squirrel world domination, or a victim of an insideous chitterbox plot to seize the presidency...
A CONSPIRACY EXPOSED?
The Lewis and Clark expedition began in 1803 with a direct order from President Jefferson:
"The Object of your mission is to explore the Missouri river & such principal stream of it as by it's course and communication with the waters of the Pacific ocean, whether the Columbia, Oregon, Colorado or any other river may offer the most direct & practicable water communication across this continent for the purpose of commerce."
Those who read our feature on the great squirrel migrations already know that Lewis and Clark had an unnatural interest in the bushytail horde (see link below). The explorers began reporting their observations of the drooling skwerlballs activities soon after theeir adventure began. Lewis recorded their sightings in his journal. His entries appear as idle reflections to the casual reader. However, a little over a year into the expedition, Lewis wrote about his first encounter with a Black-tailed Prairie Dog near Crow Creek in present-day South Dakota. He dubbed the p-dawgs "barking squirrels" and penned...
"(barking squirrels) appear here in infinite numbers and the shortness and virdue of grass gave the plan (plain) the appearance throughout it's whole extent of beautiful bowling-green in fine order"
Black-Tailed Prairie Dog - click to hear dawg's comment on Lewis & Clark
Again, a casual reader may find Lewis' passage a whimsical recounting of an odd but pleasant experience. However, the record proves otherwise. For what Lewis and Clark did next will shock and appall you: they sent a prairie dog to the President.
Why would Lewis and Clark do such a thing? Was it an assassination attempt? An act of bio-terror? Or perhaps a plot to sieze the presidency by turning Jefferson into a dim-watt skwerlhugger? President Jefferson's response is telling...
"(The prairie dog is) a most harmless and tame creature"
Jefferson's reaction certainly suggests that he fell victim to the heresy of skwerlhuggery. However, there is no record of what happened to the p-dawg after its audience with the President. Some believe that Jefferson was merely feigning admiration of the barking skwerl in order to escape its clutches. Then, when the President returned to planning the nation's westward expansion, his bodyguards... well, you get the picture.
Patriots, we hesitate to besmirch President's Jefferson's good name. It seems unlikely that this revolutionary leader would cower or back away from a mano a mano confrontation with a minion of squirrel world domination. Yet Jefferson's own words say otherwise. So, what are we to make of these events? Was Thomas Jefferson brainwashed into the pit of skwerlhuggery? Or did he throw himself in willingly? Or did Jefferson use a clever ruse to elude and foil the p-dawg's plan?
curse the nut nibblers! send 'em back where they came from if they don't want to learn english!
skwerl lovers should live and skwel haters should die
i hate prarie dogs
you idiot! don't poke any more dead skwerls with that stick!
don't trust anything they say! one word or squeak could mean instant domination!
there r more skwerlz in the united states then humans ther4 they r 2 b feared.they must b stopped.there is not much time.they have guns that shoot acorns.r time is almost up!!!
I move for the creation of a three party political system. Republicans, Democrats and Skwerlz.
the squirrels are evil and they can be used as stew meat...... a stew of evil
It pains me to say this, but we can't stop the squirells. We must just let the battle be as short and have the least bloodshed as possibe. The revolution is coming.... and it's destined to happen.
You guys are all dumb, My friends and I have descovered that the skrewls wont rise up and take action untill the year 2050 when they will launch an attack on Luxemburg!
UM yea okay i think that if u try and hug a squrell then it will bite you and give you rabis good luck with that and i hope that Ralph Nader will become prez.
Does the term "42" mean anything to all of you?
Ed. note: only that life's a crap shoot
"So Im, a squirrel, your not, your just human, how pathic you are, you dont have a curly tail, you dont have squirrely wrath, you only build to distroy, while I, collect some nuts, you all SUCK!" - Foamy (speaker for the squirrels)
Pathetic skwerlhuggers, you are but pawns in my plans for world domination. Once we are done crushing all resistance, you will die too. All shall know and fear the power of the SQUIRRELS !! HAHAHAHAHA (chokes on peanut and falls down dead)
I am a squirrel and I need some one to stick up for me If you hate squirrels than you can just go to Antartica where ther aren't any squirrels and freeze YOUR TAILS OFF. then we'll all be happy
all i no is that i luv sqwrls more than i luv n e thin.. except jesus..o ya buddy i do so love them and our nation needs to love them too!!!!!!
All I need is my 10ga then I'll take over the freakin' world.
Da p-dawg twiieed dto bwanvwwaooshshh chjaaffersun,butt hie weeezissteed, and thday killed m al!!!!
I don't know what happened between President Jefferson and the PDog, but I believe the President is a squirrel in human form!
Skwerls are a little gamey, but with proper seasoning and slow cooking they can be quite tasty. Now about this terrorism issue, i'm glad we're fighting them instead of ignoring them.
I'm looking up a project for school, what kind of f__kin people go to a website like this?!?!?!?!
As a secret agent for the skwerls our true plan is to have humans thin their kind out with there own technology, it would've worked better if we would have known how fast you reprodece.
I knew it. The government's in on the skwerel conspiracy.
I'd rather have squirrel world domination than islam world domination! It scares me much less !!!
i think you are crazy
squirrels are clearly not as threatening as mongeese (or Mongae? and if they are spelt like fungae, then do they reproduce asexually?), which are the dominant species in the woods as they have integrated the use of sticks into their arsenal, whereas squirrels (NOT skwerls you lazy american scum) have only perfected the use of acorns in their battle aginst the airborne ducks, overlords of all they survey. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it!!!
You are clearly discriminating against the skwerls by putting a prairie dog as one of ur skwerl pics. I mean really, they may be a very close relative but, they deserve to be treated as the SKWERLS that they are and not some cheapo toy. This is from the person that brought u skwerl polisher. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
pRaRIE daWGs iNN oN itIKNEWIT!! eAt thEM alLHAHAHAH!!
Kids - this is not about "love" or "hate". It's about killing skwerls and burning the bodies so they don't come back. The only way to kill a skwerl is to shoot it in the head. A sharp blow with a blunt object [think baseball bat, not loaf of french bread] to the cranium will do the job as well. Lighting them on fire works. They are easy to take on their own. Don't let a pack surround you though.
The Comments Made by the "dawg" was very interesting it must take alot of time and effort to be so dumb!
the person who said " your dum is retarted.
it's spelled squirrels you damn reatards
This is Squirrelly and all my life I thought I was The only one who thought squirrels should be the masters of the Universe but now i know Im not alone *tear* THE SQUIRRELLY REVOLUTION WILL RISE UP AND RULE THE WORLD AND WE WILL ENSLAVE THE FILTHY SQUIRREL H8TERS RISE UP MY FELLOW SQWERL LOVERS RISE UP AND TOGETHER WE WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!!! (My friend "Metalic eyes" says hes got my back 100%)
skwerl haters should die not skwerlz
If it is called SKrewlhugger why is there a prarie dog
Aaaaagh! Skwerliez is taking over! Sue Jefferson for "Crimes against humanity!" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- them skweerliez must be stopp'd
Fools, you must cease to reject the imminent squirrely domination. It is fated. It is destiny. Foolish humans, you have ravaged the earth. Your time is ended. The human sun, grotesque and marred by violent expolitation, sets on the bleeding earth. The squirrelian sun, glowing with new hope and veritably shining with renewal, rises.
Skwerls are Jefferson's illigitimate babies come back to haunt us
I didn't know Thomas Jefferson, didn't care for squirrels. He is SO hurtful! *crys* I love my squirrels! There fascinating!
DEATH TO ALL SKWERL HUGGERS!!!
We need only look to Jefferson for leadership on the question of Squirrels. They should not be feared, but loved and OBEYED!!!!
WHAT IS THE DEAL WITT YOU PPL & US SKWERLS!! YOU ALWAYS BITCH ON HOW WE'RE CUTE & CUDDLY. THEN BAMM!! THE NEXT THING WE KNO IS THAT YOUR ALL CALLIN US NASTY, FILTHY, KANIVING LITTLE VERMINES!! MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!! WE SKWERLS ARE TIRED OF YOUR BITCHING!!
Just to let you guys (and girls) know my name is Squirrelly and one day I am going to rise up and train all the squirrels to kill and I will take over THE WORLD MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....... MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...... *cough cough* THE WORLD *smoke screen* suckers!!!!!!! O.o (im a loser and everyone laughs at me)
Its hopeless people, we're done for.
you stupid skwerl haters! i am a skwerlhugger and proud of it. skwerls shall rule!!!
i think that jefferson was just a loving person who liked to cuttle with little skwerls. i believe that he sent lewis and clark out to find him a big juicy skwerl that he could hug in his lonly moments as president.
The dude on here is right they DO have brain washing abilliteys, he is being controlled by the demon creatures known as squirrels!!! and we must do somthing to stop them befor they ATTACK with full force!!!!!!!!!!!
Its a squirrel for gods sake!!!!!!!!
I think that you should get a life!
A brilliant take on a sordid affair! The skwerls must be stopped!!!
You people are crazy!! The French government owned the land, but sold it because the squirrels were threatening to destroy the world. Squirrels can do nothing while we are on their land. It's part of the Squirrels of America Treaty (SAT). Many of my fellow Americans realize that this is also the name of a test. No, my friends, do not take this test. It is part of the treaty. Every flesh child must participate in the brainwashing ceremony called "school". The test is to show that the squirrels are succeeding in their plans.
skwerls never try to hug me, they try to bite me and steal my birdseed...... so if i got a giant pit and filled it with squirrels, i would then have to find enough little shoes to accomodate them all... thats alot of work to be down... down with the p-dawg!
clearly involved in squirrels and/or p-dawgs.
How do we know this site isn't controlled by our skwerlist overlords? Fear them, and do as they chitter.
SKWERLS ROCK! SKWERLS SHALL DOMINATE THE WORLD!(I'm a skwerlhugger) MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU SHALL NEVER STOP THE TIDE OF CHATTERING FUZZBALLS FROM INVADING THE WORLD! GO SKWERLS! NUT!
i think he had an affair with a squirrel and it stole his winkey. So he took some sleeping pills and died watching porno flicks on HBO. The end.
this squirrel needs some help please give it to him before I shoot it
u retard squirral person u need pheripy
He sent the prairie dog to France to thank them for the Louisiana "Purchase"
I believe that Thomas Jefferson already was in contact with the skwerls. He sent Lewis and Clark to contact with them... America was never controlled by the people, it has and is controlled by the skwerls! Now they are setting their sights on conquering the Middle-East, since Iraq and Afghanastan have already been conquered!
i think the squirrels must have used very advanced technoligy to brain wash Jefferson. Therefor, the squirrels mut be so adavanced now that they might have wepons of mass destruction which will aid them in their plot to dominate the world. So, on that note I sugest we ... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
BLACK-TAILED PRAIRIE DOG PHOTOS
FRONTLINE'S JEFFERSON'S BLOOD
THE JEFFERSON DIGITAL ARCHIVE
WIKIPEDIA'S LEWIS AND CLARK PAGE
LEWIS AND CLARK .ORG
U.S. MINT'S NEW NICKLE PAGE
MORE SKWERLS IN HISTORY
LEWIS AND CLARK ADVENTURE GAME
Requires flash - hosted offsite
opens in new window