Patriots, for years we've reported on the bushytail horde's world-wide assault on civilization's most revered symbols. In the United States, one atrocity stands out amongst the rest: the wanton defiling of the American flag.
Our reports are based on eye witness, published accounts of skwerls stealing and drooling on flags from veterans graves, public buildings and private residences.
In most cases, the chitterboxes purloin all or part of the flag and carry it off to their skwerl hovels. There, they use their teeth to shred Old Glory, drool on it in the process, and then use its tattered remains as bedding material (click skwerl for comment).
Those that seek to stop the slavering nutzys are either ignored or dealt with harshly by the skwerls themselves...
"He reaches out and (the squirrel) sunk two of his cutting teeth right through his fingernail. And I mean you want to hear some screaming? I thought the world was going to end... There isn't anything in a squirrel that hasn't got muscle behind it." -Carl Williams, Head Groundskeeper, Riverside Cemetery, Oshkosh, Wisconsin, describing an attempt to stop a criminal, flag-stealing nutzy
Of course, pathetic skwerlhuggers say that the accusations against their chitterbox masters are falsities based on hearsay, lies and circumstantial evidence. For example, they suggest that the shredded flags found in skwerlball dreys (nests) are planted by anti-squirrel activists to incriminate their precious nutzys.
Unfortunately, we've been unable to bring forth the objective evidence that would firmly establish bushytail guilt. Until now...
Ran across your website today and thought you'd be interested in seeing some of my pics. They aren't terrific but you'll still be able to understand why I'm not too happy with this squirrel! I couldn't figure out why the flag was repeatedly wrapped around the flagpole in such an odd manner. The biggest mystery was how holes, some as large as my fist, were developing overnight. Then, I caught the bandit in action. Pics don't really do it justice as he was so intent on having the flag for himself, he would shake the whole pole in efforts to remove the flag from the pole.
There you have it, Patriots. Thanks to Patriot Travis' vigilance, we now have proof positive that skwerls are flag-mangling deviants and not the national treasures pathetic skwerlhuggers would have you believe. Their goal? To desecrate civilization's icons and symbols in anticipation of squirrel world domination...
MORE PROFILES IN TERROR
TWITCHY THE SQUIRREL
ITCHY'S FOWL FETISH
CHEAP BEER SQUIRREL
MEET SKWERL BALSAC
THE LITTLE RASCALS
LUDLOW CEMETERY DEFILED