Patriots, sometimes a skwerlien conspiracy is so transparent that it needs little or no comment, but sometimes... Consider the following news brief:
Pete the purple squirrel leaves animal lovers baffled
By Daily Mail Reporter - Last updated at 10:05 AM on 22nd December 2008
We've all seen lots of grey squirrels and maybe the occasional red, but this chap is definitely going through a purple patch.
He was spotted at Meoncross School in Stubbington, Hampshire, where pupils, staff and parents have all tried to solve the mystery of his unusual hue.
One clue is that he frequently pops into a building where old printers are stored. TV wildlife expert Chris Packham said: 'It is possible he has been chewing on a purple ink cartridge and then groomed that colouring into his fur.
'Squirrels will chew anything even if it's obviously inedible. He is unlikely to have fallen into paint because that would probably have killed him. I imagine he'll return to his normal grey by spring when he moults.'
But people who have seen the squirrel say they do not believe this explains its even colouring.
Dr Mike Edwards, an English teacher at the school, first spotted the squirrel outside his classroom window.
He said: 'I was sitting in my classroom and looked out the window and saw it sitting on the fence. I had to do a double take.
'Since then it's been a bit of a regular at the school - everyone's seen it.
'We thought it might have been paint or something but then when you look at it up close, it's an all-over coat, not in patches like you'd expect if it had been near some paint.
'Its fur actually looks purple all the way through. It's an absolute mystery.'
Patriots, Skwerl Pete's purpleness is no accident. Isn't it obvious that this is a sophomoric nutzy plot to appear "nice" by assuming a Barneyesque appearance? One might think so.
After all, what better way to corrupt very young minds than by imitating a lovable and trusted character?
However, this isn't the first artificially colored chitterbox to cross our path. Consider the photos of Orangey the Skwerl below...
ORANGEY PHOTOS BY SKWERLHUGGER - CLICK ORANGEY ON RIGHT FOR COMMENT
Patriots, what possible reason would Orangey have for dyeing his fur orange? We can't think of any lovable cartoon character noted for its orange hue.
So we have to wonder, is Pete's Barney-like facade and Orangey's bizarre appearance just a cover for a more insideous plot involving a world-wide cadre of colorized bushytails, and if so, to what end?
CLICK TO HEAR TUFTY SING
START WEARING PURPLE
by Gogol Bordello
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Thanx to everyone who tipped us to this story