UPDATE 05-17-2010: Twiggy the Bushytail Buccaneer is one of the nutzy horde's most recognized operatives. We've published a number of exposés of Twiggy over the years. A recent MTV 2010 Movie Awards promo featuring the maniacal chitterbox compels us to revive the feature now...
One of the false promises of squirrel world domination is the notion that the bushytail horde is here for our entertainment. Pathetic skwerlhuggers are especially fond of describing skwerls in terms usually reserved for kittens and babies when arguing on behalf of their maniacal masters. They eagerly note that nutzy cavorting and gamboling about delights young and old alike. Indeed...
Of course, traitorous skwerlverts refuse to see, and common citizens haven't learned to recognize the danger that lurks behind the prank monkey actions of the slavering skwerlballs.
However, Patriots everywhere know that what passes as innocent entertainment in some circles is really the well-laid plans of squirrel world domination (click skwerl band for so-called "entertainment" - 171k wav).
Take for example Twiggy the Bushytail Buccaneer. Twiggy can be observed at boat shows and other events riding tiny, skwerl-sized water skis around a portable pool, towed by a minature boat.
Our original exposé of Twiggy laid bare her nefarious plot to brainwash observers using hypnosis. Specifically, we noted how Twiggy's circular track around the pool awed spectators and turned them into dim-watt minions ready to do the bushytail horde's bidding (see comparison pics below). The report shocked the world.
Twiggy uses her devil-tricks to brainwash victims - click for comment - photo courtesy of Patriot Thompson
Patriots, our first feature ended when we exposed Twiggy for the brainwashing nutzy she is. However, our investigation into the Twiggy phenomena and conspiracy did not. Our operatives continued to report on Twiggy's appearances across the nation, but it was our man in Seattle, Patriot Thompson, who blew the lid off this chitterbox plot.
Patriot Thompson observed that a great deal of money exchanged hands as zombified spectators eagerly purchased Twiggy memorabilia.
He also surmised that this must be happening at every event, but that Twiggy's "owner", Lou Ann Best appears to have a modest lifestyle. Clearly she is not benefiting from the millions Twiggy pulls in every year, perhaps every show So, where does the money go?
There can be only one answer to the question above: the money is deposited into an institution whose sole purpose is to fund squirrel world domination, a bank.
Now, pathetic skwerlhuggers will tell you that our conclusion is a cheapjack attempt to besmirch an adorable little skwerlball. They'll try to convince you that Lou Ann puts "her" money in a bank as a matter of course. They think that banks are benign institutions that protect consumers' savings and contribute to the good of the community through wise investments in development, industry and commerce.
Others, mostly common citizens believe that banks are part of a world-wide conspiracy to suck money from the poor (individuals and nations) and redistribute it to the wealthy.
Of course, Patriots know otherwise: banks encourage the delusional beliefs above to mask their role in spreading squirrel world domination. Not convinced? Just consider how many times the word "squirrel" or the image of a squirrel is associated with all things money...
From City of New York's Deferred Compensation Plan -
click for large version
Other examples abound, from small enterprises on the American prairie raking in the dough by charging admission to "prairie dog towns", to the Bank of Scotland subverting youth with its mascot "Super Squirrel."
So, is Twiggy just a cog on a monsterous wheel of financial wizardy funding the bushytail horde's plans to destroy civilization and dominate the planet? Or is she the mastermind behind the conspiracy; subservient only to the bushytail horde's leader, Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel? (Click Twiggy for comment)
Unfortunately, we can't answer that question for there's much left uncovered in the twisted world of skwerlien finance. But one thing is certain: the global economy is a nutzy doomsday machine and Twiggy certainly appears to be the chitterbox at the helm...
why in the freakin' world would you teach a squirrel to do that? so weird... oh yes, the blue squirrels are coming to steal our feet after the red ones steal our shoes and the yellow ones steal our socks so run while you still can.
I love squirrels. The squirrels I have nicknamed Fatty and Little Lady outside my window are much better than Twiggy!!
Please stop using animals for YOUR amusement.
Weird but funny!
Twiggy is my God!!!!
i love twiggy
Hey my name is Riana and im from cairns in australia and me and 2 of my mates are fasinated by twiggy and i hav nearly every picture of him on my computer and he has been stared in a few movies and he rocks! i love twiggy you all rock and i say hi on behalf of me n my mates. have a good one
Twiggy is a little devil
isnt she just de cutest lil thng
i think that this entire thing is stupid and a huge joke
u need a hobby u squirrl molesting freak
I've constructed a tiny submarine to take Twiggy out. Please send his schedule to me.
I love these squirrels hey there is one outside just right now I think that I am going to try and catch it and then I am going to get it to make it ski then I will eat it
i think u should add the part were the skwerils joined ronald mc donald and how they are the mounts 2 the miget clowns along with the bunny rabbit spys
Twiggy rocks! She is like the coolest squirrel in the world! Go Twiggy! Keep up the great work!
SQUIRRELS AND POTATOES WILL CAUSE THE POTACALYPSE AND PWN ALL THOSE WHO DEFY! deal with it and get me a damned red bull
you guys are f**king nuts... LOL NUTS like the ones squirrels eat
absolutely f**king fantastic, i think this is the f**king koolest thing i have ever seen in my life up untill this point. Twiggy is the dogs bollocks, i am a squirrel.
the sq urle should do a flipp
Your freaks!! how would teach squirrels how to water ski, bit f**ked up if your ask me!
taht squirl be pimpin
I think Twiggy is so cool and im her biggest fan she is my favorite celeberty you should show the comercial more often ill be on this site so much and i cant wait for the book Love GEREMY
twiggy rules - i love twuggy!
l love your ideal about the squirrel doing water skis
What an event, what a squirril! twiggy rules, i admire the trainers to do such a crazy thing so well. A joy to behold - hahahahaha
twiggy is the master of disaster
i think this squirrell is absolutley AMAZING! me and my mate wet ourselves laughin just thinkin bout it.. cheers you crazy mofo xxx
i think twiggy is really cute and there should be squirells in Australia
thats the funniest thing i ve ever seen in my life, look at its tail, classic.