Patriots, with winter here, many of you in the northern hemisphere are breathing a sigh of relief. Why? Because skwerls are traditionally less active during the winter months. Attacks decrease, sabotage is generally confined to unprotected attics and power transformers, wild nutzys are rarely glimpsed, and urban chitterboxes grow weak and compliant in the face of diminished food supplies.
However, the bushytail horde is always looking for ways to extend its power and reach. This includes the goal of menacing mankind on a consistent, year-round basis until squirrel world domination comes to pass. So, the following news brief will come as no surprise, and it's implication should be obvious...
Marmot vs. Machine
Sequoia park's rodents have a taste for car parts.
By Tim Sheehan - The Fresno Bee
MINERAL KING -- Most visitors to the high-country wilderness of Sequoia National Park are sophisticated campers, well aware of the dangers of bears and the need to lock food away to keep bears from raiding their provisions and breaking into their cars.
But in the Mineral King area of the park, a much smaller critter is creating a concern among residents and visitors and prompting warnings from park rangers.
The varmints are marmots. Roaming the upper reaches of the winding Mineral King Road, the furry, reddish-gray rodents are about the size of a house cat. They look rather like bulked-up guinea pigs, with a fuzzy tail tacked on (click marmot for comment).
Hikers think they're cute -- unless their cars have fallen victim to the marmot's unusual tastes.
Over the years, the yellow-bellied marmots of Mineral King have learned to climb into the engine compartments of cars, vans and sport utility vehicles, where they chomp and chew on radiator hoses, brake lines and wiring, sometimes wreaking hundreds or thousands of dollars in damage to vehicles.
"It's not the marmots that are the problem," said Jody Rowell, a National Park Service naturalist who leads interpretive programs at the Mineral King Ranger Station. "We're encroaching on their territory. ... It's a unique example of people and wildlife having to adapt to one another."
"They're the equivalent of bears in other national parks," she added.
Rowell said rangers aren't sure exactly why the marmots go after the car parts. They believe the rodents like the sweet taste of antifreeze/coolant (emphasis added), which is generally poisonous to animals.
"But we jokingly call these the Mineral King supermarmots," she added, "because they don't seem to be affected by the antifreeze. ... It doesn't hurt them."
"Doesn't hurt them... the equivalent of bears... supermarmots..." Patriots, do we even need to say where this is going?
Clearly, the drooling skwerlballs are experimenting with common antifreeze as a way to protect them from winter's cold edge while at the same time sabotaging countless vehicles and who knows what else leaving innocent victims to the mercy of the elements (click innocent victim for comment).
Not unexpectedly, the Forest Service refuses to acknowledge that this development is a serious threat. According to National Park Service naturalist, Jody Rowell, marmots aren't a problem.
Perhaps, if you're a minion of squirrel world domination. Or maybe Ms. Rowell will be singing a different tune when she finds herself stranded in a frozen wilderness while marmots, skwerls, and chipmunks hopped up on antifreeze chase her down (click pic to hear nutzy comment).
Patriots, this latest nutzy plot must not go unanswered. If our government won't recognize and address the problem, then it is up to every Patriot to do the right thing in our righteous struggle against the false promises of squirrel world domination....
Yaa I just had a marmot eat the hood insulation in my car along with windowwasher line then when I scared him he moved to my truck where for 4 days we could not get him out by tear gas, pepper spray proding, pulling tail, high pressure car was. Now truck at repair shop with major wiring damage (what else?) where Marmot was shot dead while in engine (took 6 shoots to kill him )and a game warden after 3 had trouble pulling loose. Last year I got marmot in car that went 100 mile to Denver with me where he died at REI after getting caught in serpentine belt breakink it a pully, alternator and water pump costing me $850. FS and local game warden still deny of any marmot problem. I wish there was a way to keep them clear of vehicles to begin with. Anyone with a proven method?
6/16/2009 - This is true. They hit my Honda Element in the White Mountains east of Bishop, CA this Sunday. I opened up the hood of the car after returning from a hike to find 4 of the damn things going to town. They actually chewed a hole in the radiator. The car is now being worked on. Total bill after repairs to the radiator, miscellaneous cables and hoses, 4 hours of towing, and a rental car will be about $2000. Two other vehicles actually blew their engines after overheating due to marmot damage on the same day. Their total bills will be much, much higher. Your car must be wrapped in either chicken wire or a tarp from the ground up and over all openings. Actually driving onto a tarp and wrapping it up and over is probably the best measure. For those who think they are cute.... yes they are, but I would like to hear what you say after they cost you thousands of dollars.
OH MY GOODNESS!!! My poor Nissan Sentra was eaten alive by some crazy marmot/ferret/scary squirrel in Southwestern Germany. My engine-saavy friend said, "I've NEVER seen spark plug wires in that state before..." Well, one was severed and the others were hastily nibbled. Beware. And buy anti-marmot spray.
Listen up all you you-hoos: I just shelled out $1500 because I sat watching my car in our parking lot on my surveillance camera thinking "oh how cute is that little thing and his friends staying warm under my car". Little did I know they chewed through an oil line, and by the time I got to the shop I'd burned through gaskets galore. Now, 2 weeks later, we've plugged one with a .45 after trying live traps, and when others hop up in our cars we quickly drive the cars a few miles away and wait for them to jump out there. MARMOTS BEWARE OF NORTH IDAHO!!!
For anybody who likes skwrells just wait until until they get in your house and start chewing wires. I tried to be nice at first and use a live trap but they were able to get out, now they wont eat the posinon and I dont really want to shot them since I live in the city. Swrells are satans pets and we must join together to fight them. I say we have a nation wide squirell burning or a day where we club them like the simpsons did.
a new squirrel project. They have biologicaly changed the marrmots brains and muscles to give them the ability to chew threw and gather antifreeze this trapes campers and the squirrels then brainwash the campers to become slaves and use the antifreeze to prevent squirrel freezeing in the winter.
I think that people should watch where they are going!
DUDE that is flippin crazy and stuff rock on!
Skwels dominate us, they can cause car crashes and give u rabies so come on really? They can dominate. They just choose not to. They wait and wait for something good to happen then they take advantage of it and BAM kill the person with rabies or get them into a car crash. So in other words, skwerls have HUGE plots for domination, but they havent put it out yet. THEY WILL, oh yes, THEY WILL.
Squirrels are becoming a real problem. The other day, one ran across the interstate and cause a 6 car pileup. The culprit excaped just before the exterminator arrived. We must stop these nuiscances! Join the Anti-Squirrel Force today!!!
Squirrels are geniouses. They invented the secret recipe for peanut butter. Then agents from the CIA managed to sneak into the squirrels snack factory and steal the secret recipe. Now everbody can enjoy it!
Burn in HELL!! Squirrels on the nicest cutest and fluffiest animals! I LOVE SQUIRRELS!! There also not demons and didn't come from hell the only thing that came from hell is you! If you ever touch another squirrel kill another squirrle or hurt another squirrel I'm calling the animal cops you see on Animal Planet and reporting you MURDERS!!
As insane as the innocent victim seems to be, nothing would surprise me about the squirrels. They have used such deviousness before, why not now? Now is when they must learn to stay alert if squirrel bereft armageddon is to pass. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
this is chaos! when will our human ways end!?..... i.. dunno! but i am shocked pure shocked! ..................what is this crap all abot i didnt read it i dunno what the heck is going on in the squirell world i dont know in saint fiuADSFLb:OSUFJDGV'S' name is going on tell me or i will run out of thoughts and self distruct
What do "Patriot" have to do with anything? Some of us hate America you know!
We need help anti-freeze addiction cost my brotter his life. He was crawled up in one of dem 4 weeled smashers when one of you 2 leggers turned it on. My brotter was torn to peaces
Squirrel's f__king suck! And if you like them for no apparent reason, you're a f__king special educated Einstein on crack. Didnt you ever see the show "Rescue Rangers?" I did when i was little. All they did was phucking steal cheese and destroy people's property. PLUS! i had a bad encounter with them not to long ago. One ran up behind me starting knawing on my f__king brand new skating shoes, shoe strings. There are friggen cabillions of em.
CARS DIE YOU BETTER,OR ELSE
i think squirrels are cute and are wrongly acused (i was forced to say this by the evil squirrel ruler SAVE ME! DEMITRIA DISSEN
Do you want to know why our government won't address this awesome and utterly dangerous skwerl threat??? The reason is that they have already invaded our governemtal processes, they have taken control of the mass media to brainwash the citizenry into beleaving that skwerls are harmless and not to be feared!!! (freaky huh?)
die, evil car dismantlers
I've trained my 3 gerbils to attack squirrels!! So I'm safe even if its not winter! oh and people that are obssesed with the skwerls GO TO H@LL!!
I think all types of squirrels are beautiful and kind. Squirrels are the future.they are the most beautiful being on the freaking earth, if you say anything else bad about squirrels I will throw nuclear acorn at you little bootie holes. If I hear anymore crap from your little asprins, I will personally maul you with my little friends!
Wut wuld be skarier then some of dem killer wudchuks nawing yer car? If the varmits were on lil bitty skis chasin' you down! Now that wud skare me. Imagin buncha chuks wid tiny skis after ya! Betta ta be on gard and watch fo the crazi bastas.
YOu %%%%%%% SUCK! You make up all this **** and it makes no @$%#&*% sense. Thanks for listening :)
i have a friend who worked at a weather station near nederland co. he said the devils were constantly eating up his wires on his equipment. somthing needs to be done i say send them all to iraq, let them find the weapons of mass destruction!
i think that they should close that area of the park!.. if the skewrls r smart enough too fight back y should we let them keep on until they find another one of our weeknesses...
DO SQUIRRELS HIBERNATE
SKWERLFOOT'S NEW MATTRESS
MARMOT PHOTO GALLERY
FLUFFY'S LUCKY DAY
Title photo: ssw
Marmot vs. Machine: Fresno Bee - Christian Parley
Yellow-bellied Marmot: scary squirrel world
Squirrels in snow: Tony Northrup