scary squirrel world SKWERLHUGGER HICKS' FALL FROM GRACE

Dear ssw:

Your site has brought me more laughter tonight. I took the two attached photos awhile ago, showing a particularly hungry squirrel who appears to be one step away from crawling into the feeder that I had put outside on the maple tree.

I guess I could best be described as a skwerlhugger, whose attachment to these bushy little creatures is a conversion not unlike that of the New Testament's Apostle Paul...

CLICK FOR HIDEOUS CHITTER I was very displeased with the squirrel population last January, as one determined critter was bound and determined to make a home in my attic. Banging on the ceiling, screaming "GET OUT!" at the top of my lungs, and crude attempts to block an attic vent quickly taught me how annoyingly determined, ingenious, and nerve-wracking that these demons from Hell could be.. sigh, a hand can hurt really bad after you bang on the ceiling long enough... (click attic skwerl for comment)

CLICK FOR HIDEOUS CHITTERS Then, several months later, I found myself watching three baby squirrels running/playing in the front yard one late Saturday afternoon... dear God, I was slowly being converted (click playful skwerls to hear their false promise of squirrel world domination).

Then I noticed them snacking on bread slices that I had thrown out for the birds one morning... the handwriting was forming on the wall.... several weeks later, one of them looked at me when I stepped out the front door one day, approached hopefully, and raised its paws in the air pathetically...

Oh, boy, that did it. I went inside, grabbed a can of honey roasted nuts, and scattered a few on the ground for the grateful recipient... big mistake... I'm now going through a 20 pound bag of squirrel food each week, and my back yard looks like the squirrel equivalent of McDonalds on a typical morning, with as many as 10 of these little gray bottomless pits feasting on the fruits of my hard-earned money at one time...

I admit it, I've become a squirrel-loving version of a Moonie...sigh, I need help. : )

Anyway, I hope you like the photos... and thank you again for the laughs this evening.

Skwerlhugger Bill Hicks

ATTENTION SKWERLHUGGERS: Are you appalled by skwerlhugger Hicks' descent into the abyss? Are you prepared to reject skwerlhuggery and the false promises of squirrel world domination but can't quite break away from your addiction? May we suggest joining Skwerlhuggers Anonymous - the easy 3-step program that will free you from the shackles of skwerlien oppression...

JOIN SKWERLHUGGERS ANONYMOUS

 

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Story and top photos courtesy of Skwerlhugger Bill Hicks
Attic skwerl unknown; three skwerls photo courtesy of Patriot Mary