Citizens of the World, look around you! Poverty, pestilence, corruption, endless war, environmental decline, economic inequality, greed, moral decay... Some say the foregoing are symptoms of humankind's negligent stewardship of society and the planet. But we say there's something far more sinister afflicting civilization.
Look around you again.. there, in the shadows, or on the tree limb above you, or staring menacingly from a grassy knoll... there's the real culprit behind the precipitous decline of civilization: skwerls...
That's right, a slavering, maniacal bushytail horde is behind every disaster that has ever befallen mankind.
Some believe that this clash began with the invention of the wheel and the subsequent running over of a skwerl sometime during the 5th millennium BC. Others say that the conflict began earlier when cave men began competing with skwerls for delicious nuts, seeds, and other food stuffs.
Whatever its origins, the drooling chitterboxes developed a plan for squirrel world domination; a plan that would first dismantle human civilization, and then enslave it in an endless cycle of nut harvesting for brutal nutzy overlords.
Today the signs of squirrel world domination are everywhere: power stations sabotaged, innocent vactioners pummeled, pets savaged, food stores pillaged, homes invaded, extortion, exploitation, and other depravities too hideous to mention (click skwerls for comment).
SEE CRIMINAL NUTZY'S IN ACTION
CLICK FOR VIDEOS OF CRIMINAL SKWERL GANG ACTIVITY
Overseeing the nutzy plot for squirrel world domination is the infamous Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel. Using England's Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents as a front, Tufty feigned concern for the world's children by teaching his infamous Kerb Drill while at the same time consolidating power within the bushytail horde.
Later, Tufty brokered the Ulster Squirrel Alliance, the skwerlball agreement that united the heretofor fractured Squirrel Enforcement Army (SEA) into a formidable legion of skwerlien doom.
CLICK TO HEAR TUFTY'S HIDEOUS CHITTER
When the SEA was unable to subdue the planet by violence alone, Tufty turned millions of humans to the skwerlside. How? By spreading the false promises of squirrel world domination and the blaspheme of Orthodox Skwerlhuggery (see our Squirrels in Heaven page for more info). He then charged these pathetic skwerlhuggers with the task of spreading his twisted vision of skwerlien supremacy to others...
Fortunately, there's hope for civilization. There are many brave Patriots standing in opposition to squirrel world domination; Patriots willing to do the right thing to save you and yours from the shackles of skwerlien subjugation; Patriots whose mission it is to expose the false promises of squirrel world domination and to dismantle the pyramid of nutzy oppression.
So, Citizens, the questions is: will you stumble onto perdition's path to skwerlhuggery, a road that leads to enslavement under squirrel world domination, or will you stand with humankind and the brave Patriots struggling to stop the bushytail horde before it's too late?
A SKWERLIEN HELL OR AN EARTHLY PARADISE?
IT'S YOUR CHOICE - CHOOSE WISELY!
IRATE ANONYMOUS SKWERLHUGGER COMMENT:
YOU REALY THINK THIS ANIMAL IS GOING TO HARM ANYONE? OR ANYTHING? WORRIE ABOUT YOUR FELLOW MAN HARMING YOU AND CHECK THE STRSTISTICS OF HUMANS AND ANIMALS. YOU NEED HELP .SHUT DOWN THIS CHILDISH SH_T. ITS VERY SICK AND MENTALLY DISTERBING
Anti-Squirrel Coalition Posters
click for large versions
ATTENTION SKWERLHUGGERS: Have you seen the light? Are you prepared to reject skwerlhuggery and the false promises of squirrel world domination but can't quite break away from your addiction? May we suggest joining Skwerlhuggers Anonymous - the easy 3-step program that will free you from the shackles of skwerlien oppression...
JOIN SKWERLHUGGERS ANONYMOUS
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