NO, MOMMY, PLEEEEEASE!
NOT THE TUFTY CLUB RECORD!!
Patriots, you all know that Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel is the bushytail horde's despotic leader. He rose to power in the middle part of the last century by unifying the slavering nutzys into a global force, the Squirrel Enforcement Army (SEA).
Tufty also sought to create a legion of human minions to help spread the false promises of squirrel world domination. To do this, he infiltrated England's Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA), had himself declared the "Traffic Safety Squirrel", and created the Tufty Club. The Tufty Club's advertised purpose is to teach traffic safety to young children.
Unbelievably, no one thought to question the wisdom of asking a squirrel to teach traffic safety to human children. After all, squirrels are terrible at crossing roads.
However, Tufty's popularity and that of the Tufty Club soared in the 1960's. Otherwise responsible parents rushed to sign their children up and everyone promised to learn and to aggressively spread Tufty's message far and wide.
Today, we know that the RoSPA is nothing more than the political wing of Tufty's Squirrel Enforcement Army, and the Tufty Club but a thinly disguised front bent on turning the young to the skwerlside.
How does Tufty and his pathetic skwerlhugging minions accomplish the foregoing? As indicated in the Tufty Club application, by the dissemination of skwerlball propaganda. Therefore, it is our mission to expose Tufty's propaganda piece by piece.
Although we could start with Tufty's earliest effort, The Tufty Club books (aka The Tufty Manifesto), and our video archive already exposes Tufty's Die Vier Filme (The Four Films - see link below), we thought it best to start with a rare recording from Tufty's early days, My Own Tufty Record.
This full length lp contains 24 songs and stories glorifying Tufty, his dastardly Kerb Drill, and the false promises of squirrel world domination. Several examples from the record in mp3 format are linked below.
Is there any risk to listening? Our experts speculate that some listeners may find the contents so intensly boring that they will fall asleep while it plays, thus permitting Tufty's nutzy propaganda to surreptitiously embed itself in the brain. Therefore, we caution you not to doze off while listening. Similarly, playing any of the cuts repeatedly may cause brain damage and a one way trip to wanton skwerlhuggery.
With that warning, we bring you the following cuts:
Look Left, Look Right (Tufty's Kerb Drill): a bizarre musical rendition of the infamous Kerb Drill.
Mr. Lollipop: a tawdry tune celebrating that man of mystery, The Lollipop Man.
The Lollipop Man: In this, an episode disturbed but revealing, Tufty and his goons purchase automatic weapons from a shadowy underworld figure, Lollipop Man, while on their way to school. Greedy for more, they discover Lolly's source, thus precipitating a desperate rush to a horrific conclusion you won't believe!