As most Patriots know, Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel, the head of the Squirrel Enforcement Army, is protected by a gaggle of henchmen and goons. We're often asked who is the worst of these brigands. Most assume it's Squirrel Nutkin and his gang of Seven Deadly Squirrels. In fact, Tufty's bloody right hand isn't a skwerl at all. It's his thug, Willy Weasel.
No one knows for sure where Willy came from. Some maintain he was born in America, found work with the Department of Agriculture, and helped author a book on North American ground squirrels (click here to see cover). How he teamed up with Tufty is unknown (click Willy for comment).
However, and with typical genius, Tufty chose Willy as his chief enforcer early on. We say genius because weasels eat skwerls. So who better to whip more moderate bushytails into line than a long-tailed weasel?
By all accounts, Tufty favors Willy like no other non-chitterbox, lavishing all manner of gifts on him (click Tufty for hideous chitter).
For all this, Willy keeps Tufty's opposition in line, makes numerous public appearances, and is presented in print and film as some sort of super weasel. In fact, hardly a day goes by when Willy isn't knocked down and/or run over by speeding cars, ice cream vans, and lorries, yet survives without a scratch.
Of course, pathetic skwerlhuggers deny that there is any connection between weasel and skwerl other than as predator and prey. For example, National Forest Service spokesperson, Ranger Bob Woodward, maintains that Willy is nothing more than a "make-believe character" and that only "unhinged minds" would think otherwise.
Well, Bob, any reasonable mind would become unhinged at the thought of squirrel world domination. But, you can believe your eyes when Willy walks away from mishaps that would kill an ordinary mortal in video after video.
Patriots, we invite you to observe the cells from one of the milder videos below. Then click the link below for the video itself...
|CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO|
FROM WILLY'S G-SKWERL BOOK
I love Willy he is Beast and always will be beast i love you Willy yeessyesss...
Tufty, for a power hungry despot appears to have a unhealthy relationship with his mother. And in his choice of Willy the Weasel as his lieutenant, Tufty appears to have picked from the very depths of the weasel genetic pool. Maybe the way to stop Tufty is by targeting those around him. I can vouch for Tuftys resurgence at my place of work we are all hunting out our Tufty items, reminicising of reflective armbands gone by as we have made him our health and safety mascot.
If you listen carefully to the video, you'll notice that according to Mr. Policeman Badger, Willy was in fact injured. The camera angle just makes it hard to see, and Willy's fur would cover up any bruising. Remember, cars back then didn't travel as fast as modern ones, and the car would have slowed further as a result of slamming on the brakes (unless it were driven by an Anti-Squirrel Coalition operative).
You guys are paranoid freaks. Why would squirrels ore chipmunks try to take over the world??You are sooo stupid. I agree with the Park Ranger and think that you guys are really dumb.
If Tufty could recruit a weasle then we're in much worse shape than I thought. We must nuke them all NOW!!!
A thouroughly enjoyable affair!
Willie is seriously mint. Dinit diss. I want a willie-the-weasel x]
we love willy
this is brilliant. i truly love willy now. i want to stroke and corres willy. ~milky xzxxxx
what a load of sh*t i never seen anything so pathetic in my time and i am bluddy 79 years of age and discusterd of what ive seen in this web site get it sorted
wow i cant believe his name is willy and hes shaped like a willy that is so brilliant
i think the whole story is a god send
i like your long squirrel
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OUR TUFTY PROPAGANDA PAGE
BEFORE TUFTY THERE WAS
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