scary squirrel world DAM SKWERLS

Patriots, critical to the maintainence of our civilization is a vast infrastructure made possible by the wonders of science and technology. So, it should come as no suprise that the bushytail horde is determined to undermine that infrastructure and bring about civilization's collapse.

Consider the case of dams, those engineering marvels that mitigate the effects of seasonal flooding, provide a source of hydroelectric power, create habitat for fish and fowl, and provide recreation to millions. Then consider the following report from Patriot Dempsy quoted here in part:

"I want to bring to your immediate attention that Boulder Dam on the Colorado river is in danger of collapse... We came there on vacation and I was surprised, no shocked to see chipmunks scaling the walls of the dam and digging into it... Also these were the BIGGEST chipmunks I'd ever seen and they were pushy, too, demanding food from everyone there even though they were so fat already. What do you think of this?"

Patriot Dempsy's fears are certainly justfied, although the "chipmunks" he encountered are actually a variety of Antelope Ground Squirrel common to many parts of the American southwest.

As for what we think of the situation, consider the argument made in favor of maintaining currently-standing dams and constructing new ones:

Dams provide water for drinking, for industry, for irrigation, for fishing and recreation, and for hydroelectric power production. Among the more than 2,000 hydroelectric power dams in the U.S. are Hoover Dam (Boulder Dam), Bonneville Dam, Glen Canyon Dam, and the Niagara Power Plant.

Dams perform a crucial public service by reducing or preventing floods. A report published by the Desert Research Institute, credited a system of reservoirs created by dams along Nevada's upper Truckee River with saving "the city of Reno from extreme disaster" during the January 1997 floods. The report maintained that the managed release of water from upstream reservoirs, made possible by dams, prevented a "1000-year flood."

Dams help reduce air pollution because hydropower is the most plentiful and most efficient renewable energy resource, contributing more than 90% of all renewable electric energy produced in the United States.

CLICK FOR HIDEOUS CHITTER Now consider the arguments against dams by skwerlhugging, hippie, peace-nik, enviro-eco-terrorists: dams ruin the environment, destroy wildlife habitat, damage natural fisheries, dry up downstream wetlands, and they just don't look natural in general. They argue that it's time to tear down dams to restore rivers and their riparian environments (click to hear skwerl address skwerlhuggers - 127k wav).

Patriots, it doesn't take a Ph.D. in damology to figure out what will happen if the minions of skwerlhuggery have their way. Industry will falter, once abundant farmland will lie parched and dry, thirsty cities will darken and be abandoned, bushytails will swarm over the reclaimed landscape... In desperation, mankind will turn to nuclear power, building power plant after power plant in a world-wide network until one day a single skwerl will throw itself upon a tranformer and... well, you get the picture...

So, we asked National Forest Service spokesperson, Ranger Bob Woodward why our government is even entertaining the traitorous proposals put forth by dam-loathing skwerlverts. His response...

Just when I think you can't come up with anything more absurd than your last conspiracy theory, you hit me with something like this...

Look, nothing you say makes sense. THINK about it! Not one iota of it is true! I mean, what advantage is it to squirrels to have natural fisheries restored!?! Can't you see that... oh, forget it!!! SECURITY!!!

What advantage Bob? Perhaps you should think about it... When the dams are drained and fishermen and fisherwomen can no longer fish from the relative safety of their boats, where will they go? To the rivers where they'll stand with their backs to the trees, that's where. Do we have to draw you a picture of what happens next?

Patriots, is this the future we want for our planet... a damless wasteland betrayed by the false promises of squirrel world domination? We think not...

by The Arrogant Worms

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