scary squirrel world PROFILES IN TERROR

Patriots, where do we turn to explain the unexplainable. To science, of course. But what happens when science can not interpret the enigma before it?

In that case, when there's no rational explanation, we can be sure of this: that the heavy hand of squirrel world domination is raised against us.

Consider the following photo. It was sent to us by a skwerlhugger in Indiana (exact location withheld to protect the sender from skwerlien retribution). The sender asked if we had ever seen a blue eyed fox squirrel. We hadn't, and as it turned out, neither had any of the experts we queried...


SLAVERING, BLUE-EYED EASTERN FOX SQUIRREL - PHOTO © NANCY K

So what's going on here? One expert, wildlife rehabiliator Mary Cummins noted that blue eyes in squirrels are sometimes asscociated with illness, but that the subject displays no outward sign of sickness (e.g. weepy eyes, crusty deposits around the eyes). Biologist Richard Thorington suggested that a dilution gene, such as those found in cats, was responsible, but could offer no specifics beyond that (other than the skwerl appeared to be healthy).

Patriots, while the experts are stumped by the appearance of this blue-eyed devil nutzy, we are not. There are only three possible explanations for it.

Explanation #1: the bushytail is a rare anomaly, a mere curiosity, and of no consequence. Not likely.

CLICK FOR HIDEOUS CHITTER Explanation #2: the skwerl is wearing blue tinted contact lenses. Possible but not probable (and still doesn't rule out the issue of a skwerlien conspiracy).

Explanation #3: the chitterbox was genetically engineered in a secret experiment conducted by the malefactors of skwerlhuggery in support of squirrel world domination. Without a doubt (click skwerl for comment).

How can we be certain that this blue-eyed nutzy is the latest horrific manifestation squirrel world domination? Because the anonymous source who sent the photo also provided us with additional photos. The new photos are of a skwerl the source dubbed "Sassy the Squirrel Model". Proof of genetic tinkering is obvious...


SASSY THE SQUIRRL MODEL - PHOTO © NANCY K

Patriots, note the blotch of black fur on Sassy. Is it coincidence that Sassy's mutation and the Blue-Eyed Devil's mutation show up in the same locale? We think not.

There's only one ratiocination for what you see: the bushytail horde is operating a secret genetics lab somewhere in Indiana. For what purpose? No mystery there. The drooling skwerlballs are once again attempting to create mutant super skwerls to aid in their quest to destroy civilization. What else could it be?

 

BACK     HOME


Thanx, Nancy, for the photos!