Patriots, cities around the world oppose squirrel world domination by banning residents from feeding the chitterbox demons. However, there are always scofflaws, mostly pathetic skwerlhuggers, who believe that offering tribute to their skwerlien masters supercedes the community's need to defend itself.
Take the case of Westmount, Montreal, Canada resident Bruce Kent. Mr. Kent not only offered forbidden peanuts to a nutzy, he subsequently ignored a court summons to answer for his crime...
Man faces $455 fine for feeding squirrel
A man is facing a $455 fine and an arrest warrant for feeding a squirrel in Westmount Park.
Bruce Kert found some peanuts on the ground in the park in September 2006. He tossed a few to a nearby squirrel, and was given a ticket by Westmount Public Security for $75.
"I was shocked," he said.
Kert contested the ticket, and was told he'd receive a summons to appear in court. Kert says the summons never came to his house.
"No registered letter, no phone call, nothing," he said. "So I went to the court house and found out I owed $455 and there was a warrant for my arrest."
The court granted him a retrial, but due to lack of funds he will be representing himself.
Westmount does have a bylaw against feeding squirrels, but there are no signs up in the park. There are signs about picking up after your dog and staying off your bicycle.
Westmount Mayor Karin Marks says the bylaw is in place for a reason.
"First of all, it's a public health issue," said Marks. "It draws not only squirrels but rats and it creates a serious problem, and secondly the issue of peanut allergies is a big one."
Patriots, to understand the merit to Mr. Kert's case and the whether or not the city's response was appropriate, it will be helpful to view a video news summary of the issue and a music video posted on a popular video dump by Mr. Kert, a musician, stating his position...
CTV NEWS CLIP (L); BRUCE KERT'S VIDEO (R); CLICK TO VIEW
In regard to the merit of Mr. Kert's case, he tells the reporter in the news clip that he "found" some peanuts on the ground and gave them to the first skwerl that happened along. I.e., a random, unpremeditated act. We think not. In a park infested with skwerls, one does not simply find unattended peanuts. So his claim is specious at best.
It's highy likely, and far more credible, that Mr. Kert is an unrepentant skwerlvert who brought the peanuts to the park fully intending to break the law and feed any and all available nutzys.
Or, as likely, Mr. Kert had an accomplice. This would be another deviant skwerlhugger; someone who preceded Mr. Kert to the park and secreted the peanuts in a safe and agreed upon cache. Then, in an act designed to set up plausible denial, Mr. Kert "found" the peanuts and offered them as tribute to his skwerlien overlords (click pic to hear skwerl issue instructions to accomplice).
And what should we make of his intent to bring the skwerl to his hearing as a witness (as stated in the news clip)? Is it a sorry attempt to feign insanity? Or, knowing that bushytails are experts at mind controlling, does he intend to let the nutzy brainwash a legitimate court of law into mindless skwerlhuggery? We trust that the court will guard against this.
In regard to the Westmount's response to this crisis, it is heartening to see that Mayor Karin Marks names two of the three primary reasons for banning skwerl feeding in her city.
First, the public health issue is clear. Everyone knows that every time you feed a skwerl a delicious nut, a plague-infested rat spontaneously generates. Feed enough skwerls, and your town will be overrun by slavering, maniacal, killer rodents in no time at all (click pic for rat's comment)...
Second, we agree with Mayor Marks, the issue of peanut allergies is a big one. Don't see the connection between feeding a skwerl and peanut allergies? Picture this, a pathetic skwerlhugger tosses a peanut to a skwerl, but the peanut misses its mark and lands in a baby's mouth, a baby who just happens to have... a peanut allergy.
In fact, those allergic to peanuts see it as a deadly weapon. Use enough of them, and you have a formidable weapon of mass destruction. Therefore, Mr. Kert should be cited for the careless distribution of a deadly weapon as well.
While Mayor Marks cites two valid reasons for the ban on feeding skwerls, she unfortunately fails to mention that there is one more all-important reason to ban skwerl feeding: it promotes squirrel world domination. Thus, Mr. Kert must also be considered a minion of the bushytail horde and a traitor to humanity (and Mayor Marks should be reprimanded or even recalled for failing to state the threat that skwerlhuggery poses to civilization as a whole).
There you have it, Patriots. Another example of the extremes the minions of squirrel world domination will go to to assist the bushytail horde in its quest to domiante the planet. Shame on Mr. Kert, a reprimand to Mayor Marks, and kudos to Westmount for its brave stand against the drooling chitterboxes...
HUMANE SOCIETY URBAN WILDLIFE PAGE
NWF COMMUNITY WILDLIFE HABITAT PROJECT
INTERNET CENTER FOR WILDLIFE DAMAGE MANAGEMENT
NPS CENTER FOR URBAN ECOLOGY
ATTENTION SKWERLHUGGERS: Were you appalled by Mr. Kert's criminal act on behalf of the bushytail horde? Are you prepared to reject skwerlhuggery and the false promises of squirrel world domination but can't quite break away from your addiction? May we suggest joining Skwerlhuggers Anonymous - the easy 3-step program that will free you from the shackles of skwerlien oppression... JOIN SKWERLHUGGERS ANONYMOUS